Resilience - The Secret Power of Heroes
During her first years of life, little Wilma suffered from double pneumonia and scarlet fever. At the age of four she contracted polio, which left her partially paralysed and forced her to wear a brace on her left leg. In addition, she was a colored girl in racially divided United States at the height of the Civil Rights movement.
Despite all these, Wilma Rudolph enrolled at University, and went on to win four Olympic medals in track racing, becoming the first American woman to win three golds in a single Olympic games.
The little girl who started her life wearing a leg brace became the fastest woman on Earth, and was nicknamed the “Black Gazelle”.
Stories like Wilma’s abound among high achievers. Stories of courage, perseverance and determination against all odds. Just like the mythical Phoenix bird, there are some who seem to feed from their own ashes in order to be reborn stronger and more vigorous.
These stories astonish us and make us wonder - why do some people manage to achieve the unbelievable while others, with less setbacks, perish even in more modest attempts? Do they have a secret power?
Yes. They all share an incredible Resilience.
Even fictional superheroes - Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Peter Parker - need to resort to their reserves of personal resilience in order to overcome their losses and emotional setbacks, becoming thus the heroes they’re called to be.
But, what is Resilience?
Resilience is the mental reservoir of strength that we draw from during times of need or acute stress, so that we don’t fall apart. It’s a survival mechanism that helps us cope with stress and times of hardship.
Life challenges come in different forms: parental abuse, bullying, low socioeconomic status, natural catastrophes, challenging social environments, physical disabilities, etc.
However, an event per se is not enough to crumble us - what matters is the intensity and the duration of the stressor, and our own perception of it.
Developmental psychologist Emmy Werner discovered, in a 1989 study focused on at-risk children, that while some elements leading to resilience were casual (i.e. having a supportive family environment), most of them were psychological, linked to how the child responded to his/her environment (what psychologists call “internal locus of control”).
The resilient children in her study believed that they -as opposed to their external circumstances- affected their own achievements. They were in control of their lives.
This finding is echoed by those of clinical psychologist George Bonnano, who postulates that, while we all share the same fundamental stress-response system, some of us use it more effectively than others. And the reason behind this is merely our own perception - the way we perceive and classify the event, challenge or problem.
Therefore, stressful or traumatic events and adversity in itself do not predict life outcomes. It’s only predictive if there is a negative response (self-fulfilled prophecy).
For instance, if Wilma Rudolph had told herself she would never amount to anything because she was a crippled colored woman, she would have never achieved anything. Instead, she saw past her limitations, refusing to succumb to adversity - and she beat all odds.
Perception is key to resilience.
The way you approach an event ( as positive, negative, traumatic, etc.) and the way you see yourself (as a victim or in charge of the situation) make all the difference between developing or not this important copying mechanism.
We all seem to need a share of difficulties in order to develop important personal skills that will allow us to succeed in life.
Studies have found that children who grow without setbacks and have all their needs met, often grow up entitled, lacking drive, ambition, discipline and direction.
Overbearing parents who continuously try to ease the path and soften the bumps of life for their children are actually doing them a disfavour, by not allowing them to build up their own resistance, and develop important tools to cope with life.
In fact, a rough start in life may give children an unexpected resourcefulness.
Psychologist Marvin Eisenstadt took random samples of 573 people from encyclopaedic entries, and found that nearly half of them had suffered a parental death before age 20. While this is an extreme example, it does illustrate the fact that facing setbacks during childhood doesn’t necessarily mean leading a miserable life later on.
In the 1940's, millions of children throughout Europe endured the devastation of WWII. However, despite the want, trauma and crushed childhoods, the majority managed to rebuild themselves and carry on normal, well-adjusted lives.
Many even became high achieving individuals such as Audrey Hepburn, Karl Lagerfeld, Sir Patrick Stewart and Krysztof Kieslowski.
History is rife with such examples, such as the Roman Emperor Claudius, Abraham Lincoln, Maya Angelou, Frida Kahlo, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Charlie Chaplin, Coco Chanel, Oprah Winfrey, Dolly Parton, Malala, etc. to name only a few.
Of course, this should not be an apology for imposing unnecessary hardships and stresses to children, but it shows that personal outlook, mental toughness, and perseverance, go hand in hand with success and achievement.
In fact, suffering setbacks can actually make you more successful. It’s a secret shared by top athletes and many successful entrepreneurs.
The economist at the University of Virginia, Adam Leive, assembled a database of Olympic medal winners between 1846 to 1948, and compared the athletes’ lives after the games.
His results were surprising: those who won silver medals went on to live longer and have more successful lives than those who achieved gold medals.
Having scored second made them more ambitious in their careers, and they found better paid jobs. By age 80 half of them were still alive, compared to about 1/3 of the gold medalists.
A paper published in the Journal Physics and Society by Yang Wang, Benjamin Jones and Dashun Wang also found similar results among junior scientists applying to grants: those whose proposals missed the grants for a fraction (near-miss), persevered and went on to publish papers with higher impact than those who were closer to achieve the grants (near-win), who simply disappeared.
In both cases, perseverance was key.
Those in the near-miss experience felt impelled to redouble their efforts and thus achieve their desired goals. The near-win experience, on the other hand, seemed to install a sense of achievement or accomplishment that satisfied the individuals and stalled their efforts.
However, resilience can change over time.
Werner’s study concluded that, even when having resilience, stressors can become so intense that the individual’s resilience is overwhelmed past its breaking point.
In addition, if we change our perception and see challenges as threats - exaggerating, ruminating and overdimesioning problems -, we can undermine our own resilience, becoming mentally weaker and prone to be negatively affected (traumatised).
On the upside, resilience can be developed at any point during life.
How Do We Learn Resilience?
It’s all in the mind.
Neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner has demonstrated that teaching people to reframe the concepts they associate to stimuli, changes the way in which they experience and react to said stimuli. His study is echoed by the findings of psychologist Martin Seligman, pioneer of ‘Positive Psychology’. Not only this training helps people to regulate better their emotions, but the results have lasting effects.
The cognitive skills that form the basis for resilience can be learned, thus creating resilience over time.
The way in which we deal with a problem has a lot to do with how the problem will affect us.
Instead of becoming paralyzed, wallowing in self-pity, or playing victims, resilient people confront challenges head-on, convinced that they will sort it out.
Although this mental toughness does not protect resilient people from feeling stressed or demoralized, they waste no time clinging to disappointment or defeat - they quickly move on to actively change their outcomes.
Several factors contribute to this ability to bounce back.
Although some of them are inborn (for instance, having a joyful personality), or luck (having a supportive family), the majority can be learned, since it’s the personal attitude which feeds resilience.
For instance:
* Having a positive view of yourself and your abilities
* Believing that you are in charge of your life
* Seeing yourself as a winner/fighter/survivor, never a victim
* Knowing that the conditions around you do not define who you are
* Managing your emotions effectively
* Being able to make realistic plans and carry them through to finish
Resilience is an act of mental toughness and, just like an athlete needs training to prepare for a competition, resilience also requires constant training.
Here’s Six Steps to Achieve Resilience
1.-Change your Mind Frame
The way you conceptualize problems says a lot about your level of resilience. Is that problem an unsurmountable issue or an opportunity to grow and learn new skills? How well do you accept challenges and criticism? Are you confident in your strength to change things to your advantage, or do you feel you need to attack others in order to vindicate yourself?
A resilient attitude skips traps such as self-pity, revenge, playing victim or the blame game. Resilient individuals know that even the worst situations are fleeting (the sun will come out again), and they manage to see the positive and the opportunities in every situation.
It’s important that children learn this attitude early on, seeing challenges as opportunities to grow, develop skills and strength, and not to get stuck in negative emotions such as revenge, envy, self-deprecation, etc.
2.-Have a Laugh
Laughter and humor are two of the most used tools used by resilient people. They go along having a positive attitude towards life.
Instead of wallowing in depressive thoughts, resilient people find a way to make fun of the dark, and laugh away their problems. Not only laughter has a beneficial physical effect, by releasing endorphins and improving blood circulation, but it bellies a strong mind frame, capable of seeing the silver lining in even the darkest clouds.
3.-Have a Circle of Support
Even the most resourceful and resilient individual also relies in the support of others: a circle of friends, relatives, neighbors, etc. Having a ‘support base’ (even if it’s only one person) will provide you with stability and comfort.
Besides, talking to them may give you new ideas, gain fresh insight to possible solutions, see different points of view, or even network to find someone who can help you.
4.-Focus on What You Can Control
Sometimes it’s tempting to think that a situation is beyond our control. Certain events do indeed seem to be out of our hands. But there is always at least something we can work on, even if it’s just to control ourselves.
Acting, as opposed to allowing ourselves be swallowed by anguish, gives us a sense of purpose and command. Taking realistic steps to improve a situation can reduce our anxiety levels and help us to deal more effectively with a stressful event.
5.-Keep a Healthy Lifestyle
Mind, Body and Soul interact endlessly and, like fine pieces in a machinery, are cogged together - the condition of one will inevitably impact the other.
Toxins, drugs, junk food, narcotics and other harmful substances interfere with the body’s natural functions, impacting negatively on its overall ability to work effectively.
A healthy mind and a healthy body will be more resilient, and in turn will lead to a stronger mental attitude.
6.- Practice a Sport
Athletes develop their mental toughness as much as they train their bodies. Resilience is a mental attitude than benefits from the constant practice of a sport that requires tenacity and self-control, such as rock climbing, yoga, gymnastics, martial arts, surfing, etc.
7.- Be Inspired
Having a role model or hero can inspire you through the resilience of others. Learning how successful people have overcome adversity can inspire you to battle on during tough times, and provide you an example to follow.
People like Anne Frank, Malala, Stephen Hawkins and Jackie Robinson have inspired millions to achieve their goals. Find a hero or role model that you admire, and be inspired on their resilience to persevere and achieve your goal.
"What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger"
Although somewhat extreme, the quote by Friedrich Nietzsche encapsulates the basic idea of resilience. Having it all too easy makes us bland and self-complacent. We need stress to activate our emotional copying mechanisms and develop our stamina.
Weightlifters and gymnasts know that in order for muscle to grow and develop, it must be traumatized first. The little tears caused by impact will be replaced by stronger fibres that in the end will give way to stronger muscles.
The same is true for our mental toughness - what we do about the big and small tears in our life is what will determine their level of benefit. Will you allow that drawback sink you or fuel you? It all depends on our own perception, determination and perseverance.
Difficulties bring out our inventiveness and stretch out our resourcefulness. While a severe and long-lasting setback may indeed cause trauma, temporary setbacks should impel us to bring forth the best in ourselves - creativity, inventiveness, flexibility, a capacity to ride the waves.
As with other mental strategies, resilience can be taught and developed at any age, but the sooner we develop these psychological mechanisms, the more apt we’ll be to tackle life’s big and small hurdles, becoming thus more successful, apt, and satisfied individuals.
Sources: NewYorker, VeryWellMind, BBC.
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